Goodbye to My Riley Hanover Kimble

This has been an extremely hard week and not like worked sucked or I didn't get enough sleep; my family's last golden retriever, Riley passed away.

At the end, you think of the beginning; my first memories of my sweet boy were of Riley walking out from under a porch with his siblings in the summer of 2004. We were on a farm in the middle of nowhere looking at puppies for the first time after our first, beloved golden, Franky passed away suddenly and took with him our hearts. I picked up Riley and he cuddled into my arms, melting my heart instantly. He had such soulful eyes. His little tail just drooped downwards, so sadly. Meanwhile, my parents had met Max and were won over with his sweetness. I told them to hold Riley and tell me we weren't bringing him home and that's how we ended up with two puppies.

Once the puppies were old enough, we brought them home. Potty training those two took forever. I thought Riley would never be house-trained. He was so stubborn. He'd hide under my parent's bed, then growl and nip if you tried to bring him out.

Our Riley was a giant from the start. He had the biggest paws that he did eventually grow into. He was a giant of a dog and had the heart to match.He did have so many health issues in recent years; an enlarged heart, many food allergies, cancer, paralysis, a tie-back issue, etc. In the end, he wasn't getting enough oxygen and we couldn't let me struggle for breathe.

Here's what I shared on Facebook about my baby:
Our sweet Riley Hanover Kimble passed away about 1:07pm at home, Monday. He was so gentle, sweet, had the most beautiful eyes, had the biggest bark, and had the biggest paws ever. Our hearts ache, but we know you’re running with Max. We send all our love to heaven with you.

Here are some of our beautiful boy's photos:

Max & Riley together

Riley the Christmas after Max passed

Christmas break after Max passed

Christmas time; missing Max

After Max passed, Riley got to go on errands with mom. Ran into them one day.

2016-Riley's vet visit where we learned of his enlarged heart

Family outing

Riley always loved a good nap

Riley visiting Grandma

Riley at the tree lighting. Everyone wanted to pet him.

Riley Hanover Kimble
May 28, 2004-June 17, 2019
Forever in our hearts

A Big Little Life

This sweet book by Dean Koontz shares his life growing up and then the adventures of getting his first dog with his wife. The dog they get is a golden retriever that was a service dog. Her name is Trixie and she changes his life. I personally think Golden Retrievers are the best dogs. They're so cute, sweet, smart, loving, and forgiving. Through their lives they teach us those qualities and so many more. At points while reading the book, I smiled and others I fought back tears about Trixie's Big Little Life. My family has had three goldens and each has captured our hearts. Having them in my life has enriched it beyond measure and I dream of the day I can get my own puppy.

Turning 33, My Wishes for the Year

I turned 33 last Sunday.

My wishes for the year

-love
-a real vacation (the pipe dream is Europe)
-pay my car off
-a house with a back yard and garage
-a golden retriever puppy named, Scout

-laughter

-adventures

-a closer relationship with God

Riley, Part 1

Last summer, I wrote about when my family got our sweet puppies, Max and Riley almost 12 years ago. Last fall, I also wrote about Max's cancer and his passing.

The holidays and every day are still hard without all his enthusiasm and love. We are continually grateful to still have our sweet Riley.

Riley has also taken Max's passing hard. They spent every day of their lives side by side. Riley often seems lost without Max as the leader. We've worked to keep him happy and give him extra attention and love.

He's seemed more unsettled in the last month; he wakes up startled, he's up often in the night, and he just looks miserable. We definitely wish dogs could talk. My mom got him into to his vet and there we learned the cause of his issues. Riley's heart is massively enlarged. In fact, his vet had never seen a heart so enlarged. It's also not beating correctly. We were devastated to learn of Riley's serious heart issues and were told he could die at any minute. It's been so hard to process everything that happened with Max that I can't even begin to think about Riley going down that road too. So, we've made him an appointment at K-State's Veterinary Center, with their heart specialists for next week. We are praying, they can help our Riley and that he won't suffer. :(

Riley on Christmas Day.

Saying Goodbye to Max

Late summer, I wrote about my family's dog, Max's fight with cancer here. Late August we saw Max struggling more and my parent's took him back to K-State Vet Med, one of the top vet med school's in the country. We found out his liver was shutting down due to the cancer and he had 3-4 weeks left. That hit hard. We started him on 24/7 pain meds.

The good thing about knowing Max had cancer was that we got to shower him with love every day. We cherished every moment with him. Though the vet gave him 3-4 weeks, no one told Max that and he continued to fight with everything he had. How he fought so long, I'll never know. Despite his pain, he still greeted me every day with a wagging tail. He enjoyed time outside in the golden sunlight of fall and being petted.

The beginning of the semester is very hectic for me at work. By mid-September we felt that time with Max was drawing to a close, so I went to work every day and spent every night at my parent's to get more time in with Max and try to help out a little. About two weeks ago, I came home to my parent's and Max didn't seem excited to see me like normal. I attributed it to him being sick, but was still sad. He must've know that I missed his attention, because that next morning he busted into my room and laid next to my bed so I could pet him. Though I was now up much earlier than planned, I was so grateful he sought me out and came to spend time with me. In a nutshell, that's Max; always giving love.

He struggled moving and over time didn't have the strength for his beloved walks. So, my parents chauffeured him around the yard for one last walk. Max was so excited as was Max's brother, Riley.

Max

Max was a happy puppy. His tail was always wagging. My dad joked that he had a "happy ending" because of his ever-wagging tail. Though considerably smaller than his brother, Riley, Max took charge as the alpha male. Despite that, he's always been eager to please. He is also a mama's boy. When mom has been away from home, he'd go on a hunger strike. When he comes in from outside, he searches the house until finding mom. He needs constant love. He loves riding in my dad's truck and seeing how many toys/"babies" he can fit in his mouth.

The last couple rough, Kansas winters have been hard on the little guy. Mom says he's stiff and moans in his sleep. She tries to keep him warm. This spring, he started getting a growth on his tummy area and didn't want to eat. Long story short, he was bleeding into his tummy. They removed a tumor, his spleen, and most of his liver. Our slightly over 50lb. dog had over 10% of his body removed that were two types of cancer. The liver tumor was slow-growing, but the other was fast.

Three months after surgery, the vet said he doesn't have much time left; 3-4 weeks at best. The cancer has consumed his liver. The tumors continue to grow. Despite the pain he's in, he's still active and loves to go exploring outside. He's on meds for pain. He's such a fighter, but time is fleeting.

I wish I could freeze time. The end is nearer than I can bear. #heartbreaking I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain. I pray again and again for Max; that the cancer will leave, that he won't be in pain, that he'll know how much we love him.

I'm reminded of all the things he's taught me: joy in the small things, greet everyone with a smile, let your friends and family know how happy you are to see them every day, and every day is good for a walk.

Riley and Max

The summer after our beloved, Franky died, my mom felt it was time to think about getting a puppy. I didn't want a puppy, it felt disloyal to Franky. So there we were traveling around the 4th of July weekend to rural Hanover, KS. It was a small, farming town. I wasn't sure about this whole puppy thing. Then I saw all the glorious golden retriever puppies come out from under the porch. They were so cute. We started picking up puppies and trying to decide which to pick. We knew we wanted a male. My mom said she'd found "the puppy," a sweet-faced puppy that became our Max. I told her she could say that all she wanted until she picked up the sweet puppy I was holding. When I picked him up, he cuddled me and I was a goner. His sad tail sloped down. Mom held him and announced we'd be getting two puppies! Riley had won her over. So we paid the fees and waited until we could bring them home, weeks later when they were weaned. We were so nervous. Two puppies is a large undertaking.

The trip home with the puppies was fun and they slept most of the way. They were so cute! We were excited! We knew our lives were about to be flipped inside out and that's about what happened.

Riley always looked so serious with his expressive eyes. If you tried to get him out from under the bed, he'd growl and snap. He had giant ears and paws, that he's now grown into.

Max was all over the place, happily exploring. Max always wanted to escape their kitchen enclosure. He had such bright eyes. Some things never change.

They brought smiles, laughter, and joy back into our family!

Riley and Max :)

Franky, Part 2

Last fall, I wrote Franky: Part One. Franky, our golden retriever made friends with everyone he met and everyone loved him.

My senior year of high school we moved to 20 acres and a house we built in the country. Franky loved it and ran all over the land.

In college, I lived at home and each time someone came home, Franky would run to greet you; he was the best welcoming party ever. I hated writing papers and always had to go to the basement computer to write. I always had trouble getting started and I was nervous. Franky would generally come downstairs away from the rest of the family to help me get started. Hours in once I had a nice flow going, he would venture back upstairs. He was such a giver.

One night, we all watched a movie together and after everyone went back upstairs, but I had another dreaded paper to write. Franky must've sensed my stress and resumed his spot by the computer to help me get started.

The next day changed the rest of our lives forever. I went to work and school, where my mom called to say Franky was lying outside and wouldn't eat anything. He loved eating human food, so I suggested she offer him a piece of bread, which she had and he refused. I was shocked. After he stayed stuck in that one spot all day, my mom had my dad come home early from work to take Franky to the vet. After work, I joined them. They were doing doing tests. Before his little surgery we said bye and watched them cart him down the hall. He looked at us with those beautiful tigers eye-colored eyes. They did a little surgery and found that he was septic; his bowel was perforated. With his being septic, he would have to have it as an open wound. The dangers of him being septic were large, living with an open wound is dangerous and they suspected cancer. The odds of him living was 25% and there were dangers of him having complications. There was nothing else they could do for him. We wailed in that waiting room. He had seemed so fine before and now we were making the hardest decision of our lives. We always said we'd pay whatever to keep him alive, but keeping him alive wasn't an option anymore unless we left him with an open wound only to wait for the end with him in pain. We were devastated. Franky had spent over 10 years being the best member of our family. It was hard to reconcile that he'd be fine just the day before and had selflessly helped me with my paper just the night before. While Franky was our family dog, my mom spend 24 hours a day with him and they were beyond close. Though my dad and I hated to admit it, we knew the best option for our baby, was to put him down. Nowhere was there a scenario where he would live and it broke our hearts. We made mom make the call about what to do and decided there was no better option for him. We wailed and our vet cried with us.

My parents stayed to wait to take home his body and I went home. What I didn't realized was that I'd be arriving home where Franky wouldn't be there to great me. The grief was hard to put into words. I couldn't stand to be alone in my room, though Franky always stayed in my parent's room. I cried myself to sleep every night for at least a week. I awoke every day to my dad crying. Franky got up with my dad early every morning and now dad was alone. I used to complain about all the blonde/red hair on my clothes, but as time passed his said disappeared from our clothes and I would've given anything to have my furry puppy back.

Over 13 years have gone by since his passing and we still miss him dearly. He and I had a special bond having grown up together. Through him I learned about love, forgiveness and joy in the simple things. I learned that love is about the small things. We loved him and he loved us. For me, he'll always be the best dog ever. Miss you, Franky! <3

Franky, Part 1

The reason I love dogs is because of my very first dog, Franky. I grew up as an only child, kind of lonely. I'd always wanted a dog and somehow came up with the name, Franky despite having a relative with that name. :)

Mom researched dogs at the library; this was long before the internet. She decided we needed a golden retriever since they were great family dogs. My dad adamantly did not want a dog, especially in the house. Mom and I went out to the country to look at some puppies. I remember out of the woods came the mama dog and all these gorgeous puppies. We picked up several by the scruff of the neck to see if they had good dispositions. Somehow, we settled on one, paid the money, and put a collar on him. He wasn't old enough to come home with us, so we had to wait a few weeks.

Dad kept saying that dogs don't belong in the house. Before bringing Franky home, we'd hoped that dad would warm up to the idea of a dog, but he didn't. However, when we brought home Franky Golden Konza we were all goners. That dog changed us all so much.

We got Franky when I was roughly 8. I remember, the first night, we penned him up the kitchen since he wasn't housebroken yet and he cried for his mom and siblings. I slept outside the kitchen and talked to him. He was such a cute puppy.

We had such a learning curve with that poor puppy. Mom and I had never had a dog before. We taught him to sit, come, and stay. He loved chewing on things. I talked to him a lot and I really felt like he understood me. He would chase me around the kitchen and nip at my heels. He'd eat any morsel of fallen food with thanks. He'd bark when someone would come to the door. He made friends quickly and loved licking people. We played out in the snow together.

Soon after we got him, mom found what she thought were tumors all over our sweet, new puppy. She ran and got my dad and it turned out to be lots of deer ticks from his hikes with his mom and siblings in the woods.

Franky was responsible for most of the great memories I have of my childhood.
Via Pinterest:

Sometimes You Need a Break

Spring semester was hard. I struggled with school, sleep, insurance issues, my rheumatoid arthritis, ending a negative friendship, I got my heart broken, and I gained weight. On top of that, I turned 30. The stress of everything had me feeling ill on a continual basis. I was nauseous every morning for months. I was tired of feeling awful. As soon as the semester ended, I hopped a plane for Ireland. In Ireland, from day 1, I felt amazing. My nausea went away. In Ireland, I felt like a brand-new me. My complexion cleared up and my hair looked amazing. With sights like these and wonderful fresh air; how could I not feel better?




I got home from my trip and after months of not being able to lose any weight; I lost 8 pounds in June! Let me be clear, the weight didn't just fall off. I watched my diet and worked incredibly hard; increasing my time in the gym. I mainly did cardio (zumba, rowing, and the elliptical) and ab class. In July, I traveled to Colorado Springs, CO and Lake of the Ozarks, MO. So, I definitely didn't lose any weight in July. :) In August, I lost 3 pounds. Though my battle with my weight will be a life-long one; I'll continue to work hard and try to stay healthy.

To brighten your day; how can one not smile when watching golden retriever puppies?! Yes, I have puppy fever! Can't have one at my apartment. :(