I really enjoyed my break 3.5 week break between my summer class and the start of the fall semester.
During this break, I made it through the first two Hunger Games books I've been wanting to reread, finally ordered artwork for my walls (pics from my Italy trip), and finally bought new workout/running shoes.
I've decided that this is the semester I find/create balance in my life. I tried to do too much last semester and really wore myself out. So, I've stepped away from some committees and activities I enjoy to create some downtime for myself. This isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and I've got to pace myself.
Now, if I can just make it through my evening class... ;)
Friday, August 30, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
My First Memory
Ever have a food or beverage trigger a memory from long ago? Maybe even something you'd forgotten? Well, it happened to me and it triggered my very first memory which is also my very first memory of my grandma.
Several years ago, I went to a coffee shop with a friend. I looked at the menu and saw "Honey Milk." This seemed familiar from when I was little, so I ordered it.
In my first sip, I was transported back over 20 years in time. All of a sudden, I'm an infant. The house is dark, except for the glow of the light over the stove. It is early morning. Once again I am sick, but I feel safe and warm; my grandma is holding me, soothing me. She made me honey milk to help me feel better. It's warm, sweet, and soothing too.
I had forgotten everything about that time until my first sip of honey milk.
My mom was a single mother. We lived with my grandma. Grandma worked 2nd shift at the hospital on post. She'd come home and see my exhausted mom up late with me again, because I was sick. So, she'd send my mom to bed, saying that she'd stay up with me since she needed to unwind anyway. We'd both drift off to sleep, me cuddled against her neck.
What a perfect first memory; feeling warm and loved with my grandma. :)
Several years ago, I went to a coffee shop with a friend. I looked at the menu and saw "Honey Milk." This seemed familiar from when I was little, so I ordered it.
In my first sip, I was transported back over 20 years in time. All of a sudden, I'm an infant. The house is dark, except for the glow of the light over the stove. It is early morning. Once again I am sick, but I feel safe and warm; my grandma is holding me, soothing me. She made me honey milk to help me feel better. It's warm, sweet, and soothing too.
I had forgotten everything about that time until my first sip of honey milk.
My mom was a single mother. We lived with my grandma. Grandma worked 2nd shift at the hospital on post. She'd come home and see my exhausted mom up late with me again, because I was sick. So, she'd send my mom to bed, saying that she'd stay up with me since she needed to unwind anyway. We'd both drift off to sleep, me cuddled against her neck.
What a perfect first memory; feeling warm and loved with my grandma. :)
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
5 Years Ago
Five years ago, this weekend I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at the age of 24. The anniversary of my diagnosis is bittersweet to say the least. You see, it took nine very painful months to come to a diagnosis.
It all started December of 2007. I was 23, had graduated from college one year before, and was working in my "first real job." A couple of mornings I woke and noticed that my hands were numb. I figured, I must of slept on them. After awhile, I realized that every morning my hands were numb and there was no way I was sleeping of my hands every night. So, I went to my doctor. They ran some blood tests. What you should know about my doctor is that he's great at what he does, but in no way is a small talker. It's all business with him and since he's as good as he is I don't mind. So, I knew something was off when he called me at home that night and was making small talk. He said my blood test showed something that may be along the lines of rheumatoid arthritis. He referred me to a rheumatologist.
I was blessed to get a great rheumatologist. Unfortunately, he's out of town. He ran a ton of blood tests, but nothing was conclusive. Meanwhile, the pain was now in more joints. It affected everything I did. The pain was in my fingers, shoulders, wrists, elbows, and feet. It was so bad that rolling over in the night would wake me because the pain. So, the pills started; pain pills, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, diuretics, depression meds, and steroids. The pain was so intense, even walking hurt. My fingers were so swollen that I couldn't open water bottles and could barely writing; my hands were essentially like lobster claws.
During this waiting time, I had lots of appointments with my specialist and lots of tests. My mom would take me to my appointments and I was so exhausted I would sleep the whole hour there and back. I had such a hard time, my parents had to help carry my laundry basket to my room for me. We'd go to the store and my mom would have to carry all the grocery bags. I've always been a hard stick when it comes to getting blood taken and with the continual blood tests I began having anxiety over it. I often thought of quitting my job, because I was in so much pain I could hardly focus at work, but I needed my insurance.
When your life gets turned around so fast, it's hard. You just want to live, but the future looks so bleak and scary. These were trying days for me, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Some days all I could pray was "God help me." I know He did. The prospect of my life being like this forever was overwhelming. In all actuality, I know I made it solely through prayers and the grace of God.
I feel like despite the hardships we all face in life, if we learn something from it, the pain isn't wasted. I learned a lot from this experience. My whole life I'd always been scared to try new things, but at the prospect of a life incapacitated with pain I prayed for another chance. I swore that if given another chance, I would do all the things I'd always wanted to do. I wouldn't wait and make excuses, I would live life now, because you never know when everything will be taken away. I also learned to appreciate my parents. I'd always known they were great parents, but my appreciation grew so much for them and our bond became stronger than ever before. I needed help with so many things, still they never complained and were a great source of support for me.
So, my diagosis the end of August 2008, was really a blessing. Now that they knew what they were treating they could start me on meds. I remember the anticipation and hope that came along with those shots. I didn't know what to expect, but I hoped against hope that I could have a life without pain.
As I write this, all of the emotions come back to me like a flood. Thinking through this time in my life brings tears, but also thankfulness. Starting the meds for my RA was everything I'd ever hoped for. Once I started the new meds, it was literally like the nine months previous had been an awful nightmare. The pain was gone. I could use my hands, I could sign my name, I could walk without pain. I vowed then and there to live my life to the fullest now, because I never knew when my health would be taken away again. So, I did all the things I'd ever wanted to do. I signed up for a knitting class and learned that I hated knitting. :) I signed up for ballroom dancing, even though I didn't have a partner. And believe or not, I signed up for boxing and fell in love with it. Through my new-found lease on life and boxing, I aspired to lose the weight I'd gained from steroids and my love of food. You know what? I did it. Over the course of two years, through much dedication and sweat; I lost 55lbs.
I'd like to say that's the last time I ever thought about my new diagnosis, but it's not. I deal with the effects of it daily. I've had surgery because of it and live with exercise retrictions that would make you think I'm elderly, but be assured that I am always pushing my body for more. I feel best when I'm active and at a healthy weight. My life will forever be different. I am forever grateful to God for a second chance. I am grateful for the wonderful family, church family, coworkers, friends, and fellow RA fighters who share this journey with me. This experience has changed me more that I think even I will ever know. Like the line of Amazing Grace, by John Newton says, "Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."
It all started December of 2007. I was 23, had graduated from college one year before, and was working in my "first real job." A couple of mornings I woke and noticed that my hands were numb. I figured, I must of slept on them. After awhile, I realized that every morning my hands were numb and there was no way I was sleeping of my hands every night. So, I went to my doctor. They ran some blood tests. What you should know about my doctor is that he's great at what he does, but in no way is a small talker. It's all business with him and since he's as good as he is I don't mind. So, I knew something was off when he called me at home that night and was making small talk. He said my blood test showed something that may be along the lines of rheumatoid arthritis. He referred me to a rheumatologist.
I was blessed to get a great rheumatologist. Unfortunately, he's out of town. He ran a ton of blood tests, but nothing was conclusive. Meanwhile, the pain was now in more joints. It affected everything I did. The pain was in my fingers, shoulders, wrists, elbows, and feet. It was so bad that rolling over in the night would wake me because the pain. So, the pills started; pain pills, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, diuretics, depression meds, and steroids. The pain was so intense, even walking hurt. My fingers were so swollen that I couldn't open water bottles and could barely writing; my hands were essentially like lobster claws.
During this waiting time, I had lots of appointments with my specialist and lots of tests. My mom would take me to my appointments and I was so exhausted I would sleep the whole hour there and back. I had such a hard time, my parents had to help carry my laundry basket to my room for me. We'd go to the store and my mom would have to carry all the grocery bags. I've always been a hard stick when it comes to getting blood taken and with the continual blood tests I began having anxiety over it. I often thought of quitting my job, because I was in so much pain I could hardly focus at work, but I needed my insurance.
When your life gets turned around so fast, it's hard. You just want to live, but the future looks so bleak and scary. These were trying days for me, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Some days all I could pray was "God help me." I know He did. The prospect of my life being like this forever was overwhelming. In all actuality, I know I made it solely through prayers and the grace of God.
I feel like despite the hardships we all face in life, if we learn something from it, the pain isn't wasted. I learned a lot from this experience. My whole life I'd always been scared to try new things, but at the prospect of a life incapacitated with pain I prayed for another chance. I swore that if given another chance, I would do all the things I'd always wanted to do. I wouldn't wait and make excuses, I would live life now, because you never know when everything will be taken away. I also learned to appreciate my parents. I'd always known they were great parents, but my appreciation grew so much for them and our bond became stronger than ever before. I needed help with so many things, still they never complained and were a great source of support for me.
So, my diagosis the end of August 2008, was really a blessing. Now that they knew what they were treating they could start me on meds. I remember the anticipation and hope that came along with those shots. I didn't know what to expect, but I hoped against hope that I could have a life without pain.
As I write this, all of the emotions come back to me like a flood. Thinking through this time in my life brings tears, but also thankfulness. Starting the meds for my RA was everything I'd ever hoped for. Once I started the new meds, it was literally like the nine months previous had been an awful nightmare. The pain was gone. I could use my hands, I could sign my name, I could walk without pain. I vowed then and there to live my life to the fullest now, because I never knew when my health would be taken away again. So, I did all the things I'd ever wanted to do. I signed up for a knitting class and learned that I hated knitting. :) I signed up for ballroom dancing, even though I didn't have a partner. And believe or not, I signed up for boxing and fell in love with it. Through my new-found lease on life and boxing, I aspired to lose the weight I'd gained from steroids and my love of food. You know what? I did it. Over the course of two years, through much dedication and sweat; I lost 55lbs.
I'd like to say that's the last time I ever thought about my new diagnosis, but it's not. I deal with the effects of it daily. I've had surgery because of it and live with exercise retrictions that would make you think I'm elderly, but be assured that I am always pushing my body for more. I feel best when I'm active and at a healthy weight. My life will forever be different. I am forever grateful to God for a second chance. I am grateful for the wonderful family, church family, coworkers, friends, and fellow RA fighters who share this journey with me. This experience has changed me more that I think even I will ever know. Like the line of Amazing Grace, by John Newton says, "Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."
Friday, August 16, 2013
Love Languages
A couple of years ago I heard about love languages. I took the quiz below and was surprised how spot-on it was. I always known that some things mean more to some people, but now I understand it more. If you want to learn more about your love language or the love language of those in your world, check out this short quiz: Cool stuff! Essentially, the topics are Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Mine is Words of Affirmation. Last week, someone let me know that they sent an e-mail about me to the Head of a program I'm trying to get into. They BCC'd me on the correspondence. It was so nice and meant a lot that unbeknowst to me they had seen my hard work and had taken the initiatve to pass on the praise. Things like that mean so much to me. I keep cards and e-mails like that and when I'm down I read them and they always cheer me up.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Then I went down the slide
I've been really enjoying my break from school! I've been reading Catching Fire again. I've also been enjoying my guilty habit, reality TV shows. I love MasterChef. I get that it's a cooking show, but it still makes me tear up every week.
Today, I went to visit Perceptive Software near KC. Looks like a really great place to work! They even have a slide that goes from the 2nd to 1st floor. I was nervous to go down it in dress clothes. They said to try to go down all the way feet first, but I'm a mess sometimes. So, I was getting stuck because my shoes, so I pulled up my feet and next thing you know I'm almost going down head first. I'm trying to pull it together before I get to the bottom, but alas I could not. So, my coworker who went before me sees me emerge kind of sideways with my feet in the air. Not exactly how I pictured it would go... :)
Today, I went to visit Perceptive Software near KC. Looks like a really great place to work! They even have a slide that goes from the 2nd to 1st floor. I was nervous to go down it in dress clothes. They said to try to go down all the way feet first, but I'm a mess sometimes. So, I was getting stuck because my shoes, so I pulled up my feet and next thing you know I'm almost going down head first. I'm trying to pull it together before I get to the bottom, but alas I could not. So, my coworker who went before me sees me emerge kind of sideways with my feet in the air. Not exactly how I pictured it would go... :)
Monday, August 12, 2013
Musings
There are many things I don't get about guys:
1. like why they wink or e-mail on dating sites, then when you respond you never hear anything back. Why are they paying for a dating site and not actually trying to meet people?
2. why exchange numbers with someone if you're actually not going to call them?
Any answers? :)
Btw, I'm trying the dating site Christian Cafe and it's not working out that well. Actually, nothing is happening on there.
1. like why they wink or e-mail on dating sites, then when you respond you never hear anything back. Why are they paying for a dating site and not actually trying to meet people?
2. why exchange numbers with someone if you're actually not going to call them?
Any answers? :)
Btw, I'm trying the dating site Christian Cafe and it's not working out that well. Actually, nothing is happening on there.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
The Car Wrecker
I think I saw the car wrecker, last night when I was out with friends and no I didn't say hi. Here's how we met:
Over spring break probably three or four years ago, I was coming back from a mission trip in Mexico. I'd spent over a week at an orphanage in Reynosa, Mexico. Mainly, we painted the whole week and spent time with the precious kiddos. I'd flown out of KC and the weather leaving had been treacherous to say the least. Coming back, it was sleeting. I was tired and listening to the K-State play in the Elite 8; it wasn't looking good for us. I was heading at the toll plaza in Topeka. I was behind a huge, white truck with duallies. I was pulling forward as the truck was leaving the toll plaza. Then suddenly the truck stops and quickly goes in reverse, crunching into my Jetta. Who goes in reverse at a toll plaza? Apparantly, as he was pulling out, the toll worker said he was short on his toll fee.
We pull off the highway and exchange info. He's stationed at Fort Riley and he's Air Force.
He calls sometime that week. His dad own an autobody shop, he wants to order the parts and fix it himself (new front bumper and grill). I tell him I'll think about it. Next thing you know, he calls and says he's ordered the parts. He goes back home, gets the parts, and we settle on a time/place to meet. We meet at his friend, J's place near my house. He's late. I learn that this is the norm. His friend and I chat while I wait. I feel like his friend is trying to sell him to me.
That next weekend is my birthday and my friend and I see J out and we have a really good time two-stepping.
My car is nearly done, we just have to meet a few more time to touch-up the paint. We start talking more and soon the four of us go out. He and I went to the movies once. I found out he was Mormon and realize that won't work, no matter how cute he is. There are some other dramaful things, but essentially things don't end well. At least my car is as good as new.
Over spring break probably three or four years ago, I was coming back from a mission trip in Mexico. I'd spent over a week at an orphanage in Reynosa, Mexico. Mainly, we painted the whole week and spent time with the precious kiddos. I'd flown out of KC and the weather leaving had been treacherous to say the least. Coming back, it was sleeting. I was tired and listening to the K-State play in the Elite 8; it wasn't looking good for us. I was heading at the toll plaza in Topeka. I was behind a huge, white truck with duallies. I was pulling forward as the truck was leaving the toll plaza. Then suddenly the truck stops and quickly goes in reverse, crunching into my Jetta. Who goes in reverse at a toll plaza? Apparantly, as he was pulling out, the toll worker said he was short on his toll fee.
We pull off the highway and exchange info. He's stationed at Fort Riley and he's Air Force.
He calls sometime that week. His dad own an autobody shop, he wants to order the parts and fix it himself (new front bumper and grill). I tell him I'll think about it. Next thing you know, he calls and says he's ordered the parts. He goes back home, gets the parts, and we settle on a time/place to meet. We meet at his friend, J's place near my house. He's late. I learn that this is the norm. His friend and I chat while I wait. I feel like his friend is trying to sell him to me.
That next weekend is my birthday and my friend and I see J out and we have a really good time two-stepping.
My car is nearly done, we just have to meet a few more time to touch-up the paint. We start talking more and soon the four of us go out. He and I went to the movies once. I found out he was Mormon and realize that won't work, no matter how cute he is. There are some other dramaful things, but essentially things don't end well. At least my car is as good as new.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Elvis
So last night, I got a message from a new guy on Christian Mingle. I take a look at "Sweet Love##" and quickly find out: 1) he's 52 (that makes him older than my mom), 2) he's an Elvis impersonator, 3) he uses semicolons strangely, and 4) he literally calls himself Elvis. SIGH
I tell you, if a sweet, funny, tall, Christian guy around my age came my way I'd be speechless.
I tell you, if a sweet, funny, tall, Christian guy around my age came my way I'd be speechless.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
My Readership :)
My blog stats claim I have international readers in Argentina, Turkey, Russia, China, Serbia, Netherlands, Venezuela, Poland, Germany, Mongolia, France, Israel, Czech Republic, South Korea, Romania, Spain, India, United Kingdom, Malaysia, Japan, and Saudi Arabia. How are you international readers finding my blog? I know I have some friends living or traveling in these areas. Curiosity is killing me. :)
I read this amusing blog about online dating and thought you all might enjoy it: http://storylineblog.com/2013/08/07/how-do-you-get-rejected-by-eharmony-start-by-telling-the-truth
I read this amusing blog about online dating and thought you all might enjoy it: http://storylineblog.com/2013/08/07/how-do-you-get-rejected-by-eharmony-start-by-telling-the-truth
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Smooth Operator
Let's just establish that I'm a klutz. Monday, my mom and I were in KC having dinner. We were getting ready to leave, so I got up to go to the bathroom. A couple of steps in, I realize my left foot is asleep and my feet are getting tangled. I try to recover, but I'm veering left toward a booth. The man in the booth looked terrifed, unsure of what was happening. There is a women sitting opposite the man, she reads the terrified look on his face and turns back tentatively and with some shock. Then I sort of recover, smile, and explain that my foot was asleep. Them seem a little skeptical. I look back at my mom and she's leaning out of our booth, trying to see what happened, and if I'm ok. I tell her I'm okay. I went to the bathroom and just laughed my head off. I wish there was an exit out of the restaurant from the bathroom. How has this happened to me? It's unreal.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Summer 2013
So, the stress of my summer class, the GMAT, and a failed dating situation made my summer seem rough, but maybe my summer wasn't that bad after all. Here are the highlights:
I had a fun weekend at World's of Fun and Legends with my mom. I bought some much needed items for my wardrobe, ate some great food, and saw some really great bands with some friends!
I checked out concerts at Sundown Salute with my mom.
I finally shot off fireworks this year.
I earned a much-coveted A in my summer class.
I spent time with friends including a late night weekday movie and seeing County Road 5 in concert.
I picked and ate blackberries...yum!
I went to the rodeo and two-stepped.
I finally got to read for fun. I read Ready Player One (pretty good). I reread Hunger Games. Currently, I'm reading Radical, good read!
I cleaned my closet (yes, this makes me happy).
I kept my petunias alive (4 months now)!
I finally put some things on Ebay that I meant to put on there ages ago.
Plus, who knows what fun adventures I'll have before school starts in 3 weeks! I hope to soak up more sun, relax, and have many more adventures to blog about. :) Trying to see the positive!
I had a fun weekend at World's of Fun and Legends with my mom. I bought some much needed items for my wardrobe, ate some great food, and saw some really great bands with some friends!
I checked out concerts at Sundown Salute with my mom.
I finally shot off fireworks this year.
I earned a much-coveted A in my summer class.
I spent time with friends including a late night weekday movie and seeing County Road 5 in concert.
I picked and ate blackberries...yum!
I went to the rodeo and two-stepped.
I finally got to read for fun. I read Ready Player One (pretty good). I reread Hunger Games. Currently, I'm reading Radical, good read!
I cleaned my closet (yes, this makes me happy).
I kept my petunias alive (4 months now)!
I finally put some things on Ebay that I meant to put on there ages ago.
Plus, who knows what fun adventures I'll have before school starts in 3 weeks! I hope to soak up more sun, relax, and have many more adventures to blog about. :) Trying to see the positive!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Cleaning Up
I finally cleaned my closet. There's something refreshing about cleaning out your closet, figuring out what you actually don't like, what needs mended, that sort of thing. What I love most is that it actually let's you see what you really have and use, thus clearing the way for justifying new items!!!
As a result, I have two bags of clothing to try to sell at Rockstar & Rogers. One bag to give to my cousin, we borrow stuff from each other all the time. One bag of trash, a bag of things to mend, and a bag of stuff to try to sell on ebay. I think, I just made more work for myself, but at least one part of my life is organized. ;)
Those needing a starting point, check out this link (pretty cool and helpful): http://pinterest.com/pin/67131850668596357/
As a result, I have two bags of clothing to try to sell at Rockstar & Rogers. One bag to give to my cousin, we borrow stuff from each other all the time. One bag of trash, a bag of things to mend, and a bag of stuff to try to sell on ebay. I think, I just made more work for myself, but at least one part of my life is organized. ;)
Those needing a starting point, check out this link (pretty cool and helpful): http://pinterest.com/pin/67131850668596357/
Now that my Class is over...
Finally, I can:
read for fun (I want to reread the Hunger Games books)
watch TV
cook a real meal
give my apartment a thorough cleaning
clean out my closet
breathe
focus on getting artwork for my living room
paint my nails
go shopping at Bed, Bath, & Beyond
work out more (I've missed my zumba and yoga classes)
sleep
spend more time with my friends and family
blog more ;)
I'm so thankful for my friends and family that have encouraged me through this my intense 8 week summer class! I'm a very happy girl now! I just hope I get the grade I've been working for...
read for fun (I want to reread the Hunger Games books)
watch TV
cook a real meal
give my apartment a thorough cleaning
clean out my closet
breathe
focus on getting artwork for my living room
paint my nails
go shopping at Bed, Bath, & Beyond
work out more (I've missed my zumba and yoga classes)
sleep
spend more time with my friends and family
blog more ;)
I'm so thankful for my friends and family that have encouraged me through this my intense 8 week summer class! I'm a very happy girl now! I just hope I get the grade I've been working for...
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