I must admit, in the hustle and bustle, I lost track of the meaning of Christmas. These Advent videos brought me to tears and helped get me back on track. They are by Lo the Poet. Enjoy!
Hope
Love
Joy
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, December 18, 2017
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Turning 33, My Wishes for the Year
I turned 33 last Sunday.
My wishes for the year
-love
-a real vacation (the pipe dream is Europe)
-pay my car off
-a house with a back yard and garage
-a golden retriever puppy named, Scout
-laughter 
-adventures 
-a closer relationship with God 
My wishes for the year
-love
-a real vacation (the pipe dream is Europe)
-pay my car off
-a house with a back yard and garage
-a golden retriever puppy named, Scout
Monday, August 31, 2015
Max
Max was a happy puppy. His tail was always wagging. My dad joked that he had a "happy ending" because of his ever-wagging tail. Though considerably smaller than his brother, Riley, Max took charge as the alpha male. Despite that, he's always been eager to please. He is also a mama's boy. When mom has been away from home, he'd go on a hunger strike. When he comes in from outside, he searches the house until finding mom. He needs constant love. He loves riding in my dad's truck and seeing how many toys/"babies" he can fit in his mouth.
The last couple rough, Kansas winters have been hard on the little guy. Mom says he's stiff and moans in his sleep. She tries to keep him warm. This spring, he started getting a growth on his tummy area and didn't want to eat. Long story short, he was bleeding into his tummy. They removed a tumor, his spleen, and most of his liver. Our slightly over 50lb. dog had over 10% of his body removed that were two types of cancer. The liver tumor was slow-growing, but the other was fast.
Three months after surgery, the vet said he doesn't have much time left; 3-4 weeks at best. The cancer has consumed his liver. The tumors continue to grow. Despite the pain he's in, he's still active and loves to go exploring outside. He's on meds for pain. He's such a fighter, but time is fleeting.
I wish I could freeze time. The end is nearer than I can bear. #heartbreaking I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain. I pray again and again for Max; that the cancer will leave, that he won't be in pain, that he'll know how much we love him.
I'm reminded of all the things he's taught me: joy in the small things, greet everyone with a smile, let your friends and family know how happy you are to see them every day, and every day is good for a walk.
The last couple rough, Kansas winters have been hard on the little guy. Mom says he's stiff and moans in his sleep. She tries to keep him warm. This spring, he started getting a growth on his tummy area and didn't want to eat. Long story short, he was bleeding into his tummy. They removed a tumor, his spleen, and most of his liver. Our slightly over 50lb. dog had over 10% of his body removed that were two types of cancer. The liver tumor was slow-growing, but the other was fast.
Three months after surgery, the vet said he doesn't have much time left; 3-4 weeks at best. The cancer has consumed his liver. The tumors continue to grow. Despite the pain he's in, he's still active and loves to go exploring outside. He's on meds for pain. He's such a fighter, but time is fleeting.
I wish I could freeze time. The end is nearer than I can bear. #heartbreaking I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain. I pray again and again for Max; that the cancer will leave, that he won't be in pain, that he'll know how much we love him.
I'm reminded of all the things he's taught me: joy in the small things, greet everyone with a smile, let your friends and family know how happy you are to see them every day, and every day is good for a walk.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Franky, Part 2
Last fall, I wrote Franky: Part One. Franky, our golden retriever made friends with everyone he met and everyone loved him.
My senior year of high school we moved to 20 acres and a house we built in the country. Franky loved it and ran all over the land.
In college, I lived at home and each time someone came home, Franky would run to greet you; he was the best welcoming party ever. I hated writing papers and always had to go to the basement computer to write. I always had trouble getting started and I was nervous. Franky would generally come downstairs away from the rest of the family to help me get started. Hours in once I had a nice flow going, he would venture back upstairs. He was such a giver.
One night, we all watched a movie together and after everyone went back upstairs, but I had another dreaded paper to write. Franky must've sensed my stress and resumed his spot by the computer to help me get started.
The next day changed the rest of our lives forever. I went to work and school, where my mom called to say Franky was lying outside and wouldn't eat anything. He loved eating human food, so I suggested she offer him a piece of bread, which she had and he refused. I was shocked. After he stayed stuck in that one spot all day, my mom had my dad come home early from work to take Franky to the vet. After work, I joined them. They were doing doing tests. Before his little surgery we said bye and watched them cart him down the hall. He looked at us with those beautiful tigers eye-colored eyes. They did a little surgery and found that he was septic; his bowel was perforated. With his being septic, he would have to have it as an open wound. The dangers of him being septic were large, living with an open wound is dangerous and they suspected cancer. The odds of him living was 25% and there were dangers of him having complications. There was nothing else they could do for him. We wailed in that waiting room. He had seemed so fine before and now we were making the hardest decision of our lives. We always said we'd pay whatever to keep him alive, but keeping him alive wasn't an option anymore unless we left him with an open wound only to wait for the end with him in pain. We were devastated. Franky had spent over 10 years being the best member of our family. It was hard to reconcile that he'd be fine just the day before and had selflessly helped me with my paper just the night before. While Franky was our family dog, my mom spend 24 hours a day with him and they were beyond close. Though my dad and I hated to admit it, we knew the best option for our baby, was to put him down. Nowhere was there a scenario where he would live and it broke our hearts. We made mom make the call about what to do and decided there was no better option for him. We wailed and our vet cried with us.
My parents stayed to wait to take home his body and I went home. What I didn't realized was that I'd be arriving home where Franky wouldn't be there to great me. The grief was hard to put into words. I couldn't stand to be alone in my room, though Franky always stayed in my parent's room. I cried myself to sleep every night for at least a week. I awoke every day to my dad crying. Franky got up with my dad early every morning and now dad was alone. I used to complain about all the blonde/red hair on my clothes, but as time passed his said disappeared from our clothes and I would've given anything to have my furry puppy back.
Over 13 years have gone by since his passing and we still miss him dearly. He and I had a special bond having grown up together. Through him I learned about love, forgiveness and joy in the simple things. I learned that love is about the small things. We loved him and he loved us. For me, he'll always be the best dog ever. Miss you, Franky! <3
My senior year of high school we moved to 20 acres and a house we built in the country. Franky loved it and ran all over the land.
In college, I lived at home and each time someone came home, Franky would run to greet you; he was the best welcoming party ever. I hated writing papers and always had to go to the basement computer to write. I always had trouble getting started and I was nervous. Franky would generally come downstairs away from the rest of the family to help me get started. Hours in once I had a nice flow going, he would venture back upstairs. He was such a giver.
One night, we all watched a movie together and after everyone went back upstairs, but I had another dreaded paper to write. Franky must've sensed my stress and resumed his spot by the computer to help me get started.
The next day changed the rest of our lives forever. I went to work and school, where my mom called to say Franky was lying outside and wouldn't eat anything. He loved eating human food, so I suggested she offer him a piece of bread, which she had and he refused. I was shocked. After he stayed stuck in that one spot all day, my mom had my dad come home early from work to take Franky to the vet. After work, I joined them. They were doing doing tests. Before his little surgery we said bye and watched them cart him down the hall. He looked at us with those beautiful tigers eye-colored eyes. They did a little surgery and found that he was septic; his bowel was perforated. With his being septic, he would have to have it as an open wound. The dangers of him being septic were large, living with an open wound is dangerous and they suspected cancer. The odds of him living was 25% and there were dangers of him having complications. There was nothing else they could do for him. We wailed in that waiting room. He had seemed so fine before and now we were making the hardest decision of our lives. We always said we'd pay whatever to keep him alive, but keeping him alive wasn't an option anymore unless we left him with an open wound only to wait for the end with him in pain. We were devastated. Franky had spent over 10 years being the best member of our family. It was hard to reconcile that he'd be fine just the day before and had selflessly helped me with my paper just the night before. While Franky was our family dog, my mom spend 24 hours a day with him and they were beyond close. Though my dad and I hated to admit it, we knew the best option for our baby, was to put him down. Nowhere was there a scenario where he would live and it broke our hearts. We made mom make the call about what to do and decided there was no better option for him. We wailed and our vet cried with us.
My parents stayed to wait to take home his body and I went home. What I didn't realized was that I'd be arriving home where Franky wouldn't be there to great me. The grief was hard to put into words. I couldn't stand to be alone in my room, though Franky always stayed in my parent's room. I cried myself to sleep every night for at least a week. I awoke every day to my dad crying. Franky got up with my dad early every morning and now dad was alone. I used to complain about all the blonde/red hair on my clothes, but as time passed his said disappeared from our clothes and I would've given anything to have my furry puppy back.
Over 13 years have gone by since his passing and we still miss him dearly. He and I had a special bond having grown up together. Through him I learned about love, forgiveness and joy in the simple things. I learned that love is about the small things. We loved him and he loved us. For me, he'll always be the best dog ever. Miss you, Franky! <3
Friday, August 1, 2014
Taking a Chance
I got my heart shredded at the beginning of this year, it was the first time I'd ever been in love. After five months, I'm getting over it, but it's tainted my optimism and thoughts on love. It made me scared and it at times made me never want to try again. The pain was beyond words. The thought of being vulnerable again brought fear. So, I hadn't been very open to or even seeking love since then. Maybe that's bad or maybe it's good, but I just needed more time.
Somehow, someone worked their way into my life and made me brave enough to think that I could try again. He was an open book, ready to tell me who he was and share his stories with me. The guy who broke my heart was more of a closed, guarded book. This openness was refreshing. Our times together were filled with laughter and conversation. They were great!
In the end, we didn't work out. There wasn't a huge fight or hurt feelings. Just a conversation about how our lives included vastly different things; priorities I couldn't give up and that he wasn't going to ask me give up. We had talked about deal breakers on our first date and he was kind enough to bring up the difference to ask where we were going to go with it, instead of ignoring it as most people would do. I so appreciate how upfront and honest he was. So, despite our attraction and chemistry, we decided to be friends, since we enjoy each other's company. I think, if he hadn't been this thoughtful, we wouldn't be able to be friends now. To be honest, I've never been friends with someone I've dated or gone on dates with. Previously, one or the other of us has wanted to cut ties and move on. This is new.
Do you agree with this quote?
Have you been able to be friends with people you've dated?
Somehow, someone worked their way into my life and made me brave enough to think that I could try again. He was an open book, ready to tell me who he was and share his stories with me. The guy who broke my heart was more of a closed, guarded book. This openness was refreshing. Our times together were filled with laughter and conversation. They were great!
In the end, we didn't work out. There wasn't a huge fight or hurt feelings. Just a conversation about how our lives included vastly different things; priorities I couldn't give up and that he wasn't going to ask me give up. We had talked about deal breakers on our first date and he was kind enough to bring up the difference to ask where we were going to go with it, instead of ignoring it as most people would do. I so appreciate how upfront and honest he was. So, despite our attraction and chemistry, we decided to be friends, since we enjoy each other's company. I think, if he hadn't been this thoughtful, we wouldn't be able to be friends now. To be honest, I've never been friends with someone I've dated or gone on dates with. Previously, one or the other of us has wanted to cut ties and move on. This is new.
Do you agree with this quote?
Have you been able to be friends with people you've dated?
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