Fear of Public Speaking

I've always had a huge fear of public speaking. I dreaded and felt physically ill before every speech in speech class in college. I also dreaded class presentations in college. I'd rehearse and work on them a lot, but fear and anxiety plagued me.

After college, I still had to speak in public within my first job. The scariest speech was a very short one that was part of several other presentations. It was at Fort Riley with the General, top leadership, my boss, my supervisor, and coworkers. There were roughly 75 people there. I'd written up what I needed to say, but was very nervous. So, I knew my material, but my nerves killed my voice and made it sound like I was about to cry which I wasn't. I was happy to have that done!

When I changed jobs, I don't think I realized how much I would be presenting. In the the first two weeks on the job, I talked to roughly 17 classes, ranging in size from 45-400. Yes, 400!!! Most went okay, but I had to take anxiety meds to make it. Even then, I was still very much out of my element. The worst of those 17 presentations was when I was going to talk to a class of 45. I had to cross the street, walk uphill, and climb stairs from the basement to the 2nd floor. I was rushing to make it on time and was nervous. Once I climbed the stairs, I took a minute, took a deep breathe and then entered the class. Immediately, the instructor introduced me and I started talking. Soon, I realized I couldn't breathe. The walk, uphill climb, and stairs had killed me. So, I started taking some pauses and trying to get some breaths in. I kinda tried to joke about the stairs and how they'd killed me, but the class just gave me blank stares. The instructor thankfully jumped in for a few minutes to let me catch my breath and continue.

In my job, I'm still asked to give presentations a lot. While my gut reaction is to say no, I always make myself say yes. I know that I won't become a better speaker if I don't do more of it.

Here's what I've done to try to improve:
-Communicate why the information is important for the audience. Framing it like that, helps the listener know why they should listen and how that info should help them.
--I spend a lot of time prepping for my presentations. I make sure I have enough content and type up my notes sheet.
-I try to have helpful PowerPoint slides for the audience to follow along with
-When appropriate, I bring handouts for the audience to be able to take with them for future reference
-I literally write down everything I plan to say word for word. This helps me get a flow to my speech, so when I'm nervous I won't have to think of the wording, I'll have a flow to it all. I print my notes and highlight or underline key words or phrases. I spend a lot of time reading over my notes sheet. That way, if I forget what's next I can glance at my notes and find my place.
-I also imagine myself speaking calmly to the class. Visualization helps me remain calm.
-I pray and take some deep breaths also

So far, this semester, I've spoken roughly 25 times. I can definitely see the improvement in my speaking, but I still have room to grow.

Here's something I found on Pinterest:

Any speech tips you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them!

Fears

Most of my fears revolve around loss of family and dreams.

I want to see more of the world and am scared I never will.

I want to fall in love, but fear I never will again.

I fear I'll get my heart broken again.

I fear I won't get married and have kids

I fear being an awful spouse and mother.

I fear life without my parents and grandma.

I fear being alone.

I fear losing more of my health.

I fear failing.

I fear running into the guy who broke my heart.

I fear public speech.

I fear living an ordinary life.

I'm working to conquer my fears, pray about my fears, and not let them control me. I take comfort in knowing that God has great plans for my life and He will be there through every struggle life may bring. I find a sense of peace in that I never have to handle my fears alone. God walks with me and comforts my heart. So, I give God my fears and let Him hold them.

Taking a Chance

I got my heart shredded at the beginning of this year, it was the first time I'd ever been in love. After five months, I'm getting over it, but it's tainted my optimism and thoughts on love. It made me scared and it at times made me never want to try again. The pain was beyond words. The thought of being vulnerable again brought fear. So, I hadn't been very open to or even seeking love since then. Maybe that's bad or maybe it's good, but I just needed more time.

Somehow, someone worked their way into my life and made me brave enough to think that I could try again. He was an open book, ready to tell me who he was and share his stories with me. The guy who broke my heart was more of a closed, guarded book. This openness was refreshing. Our times together were filled with laughter and conversation. They were great!

In the end, we didn't work out. There wasn't a huge fight or hurt feelings. Just a conversation about how our lives included vastly different things; priorities I couldn't give up and that he wasn't going to ask me give up. We had talked about deal breakers on our first date and he was kind enough to bring up the difference to ask where we were going to go with it, instead of ignoring it as most people would do. I so appreciate how upfront and honest he was. So, despite our attraction and chemistry, we decided to be friends, since we enjoy each other's company. I think, if he hadn't been this thoughtful, we wouldn't be able to be friends now. To be honest, I've never been friends with someone I've dated or gone on dates with. Previously, one or the other of us has wanted to cut ties and move on. This is new.
Do you agree with this quote?

Have you been able to be friends with people you've dated?