Grief

My heart breaks as three tears run a single path down my cheek. One month left is not enough. I can't catch my breath and groans from the depths of my anguished soul are sounds I've never heard from myself. Reminders of the news sweep in like waves, as do the tears. So many tears. Thirty days?! And somehow, I'm supposed to survive losing the first person to ever love me. Do not tell me to be strong, I must feel it all and express all my pain or get eaten alive by it. I'm nauseous and never want to eat again. I'd ask to have time frozen, if I thought I could make it happen. Cancer, the ticking timebomb, is running my world. I'm not okay with any of this and yet I have no say in the matter. I can't save her. I can't save me. I can't save our hearts from all the pain and all the pain to come. -Myranda Kimble

Next Best Thing Podcast by Emily P. Freeman

A friend and I met for lunch and shared our favorite podcasts. Over the last year, I've really gotten into listening to podcasts. I'm also always looking for recommendations, so I added her suggested podcasts. In my friend's recommendation, I found a podcast that brings me peace and helpful introspection. The podcast is The Next Best Thing with Emily P. Freeman. She has the best voice, it's so soothing that I could listen to her all day long. Her podcasts are roughly 10-20 minutes long and just the perfect length for her to impart many thought-provoking sentiments. Additionally, I appreciate that her podcast is faith-based. I love the honest way she speaks. There's a realness to her that I so appreciate.

Here are some of her thought-provoking sayings, so you can get a feel for her work:

Book: Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

Early December, I started counseling for the first time ever. At that point, I'd spent the last year helping care for my mom as she battled cancer. At that point, I also had been living back home to help care for her for the last nine months. I was additionally on a 10-week leave from work as her need for care increased.

Here and there friends had suggested counseling with everything I had to deal with. My work covers the cost of eight sessions, so I finally took the plunge. While that's a whole other blog, it was my new therapist that recommended the book, Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. Previously, I hadn't heard of the book, but I recognized that the author was the CEO of Facebook.

The book was essentially about grief and living with option b, since option a was no longer an available, due to a loss. Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband suddenly while on vacation with their friends and family. They had young kids back at home at the time.

Several of things she experienced really resonated with me. First, she talked about the tragedy being "the elephant in the room," where some people don't know what to say, so they don't say anything. They ask how your day is going, while meanwhile you're dealing with a major loss that is all-encompassing. Second, she talked about how some people are non-question asking. Meaning, that they never ask anything. Some really are self-focused while others don't know what to ask. Third, she introduced her readers to the Kvetching Order. I found it super interesting. So, for my family, my mom is in the center of the circle. In the next circle are those next closest to the situation; my dad and I. From there, it's my mom's family, friends, and my dad's family. It said that you need to take care of who is in the circle with you and work in from there. I can't take care of those in the outside circles. I found that really freeing.

Overall, I really loved this book and have recommended it to so many people. It was such a relief for me to be able to read something that resonated with what I've been experiencing. Sometimes, this journey feels a little lonely, but Option B made me feel a little less alone. Thank you, Sheryl Sandberg.

My Summer of Purple Hair

Growing up, people didn't dye their hair often and even if they did, my parents wouldn't allow it. Once, I could make my own choices it was too late and my professional jobs wouldn't allow colored hair. So, I was stuck. I even guilted my mom about how I could never dye it. Enter the pandemic, which with work from home options allowed me to explore purple hair.

What I was hoping for was this...

So, I started out at the salon where I dropped a ton of money for purple hair.

Ten days later, it'd morphed into this.

Then I went back to the salon and got it reglazed to the best color yet.

Here were the phases of my purple hair:

To try to get it more purple, my stylist recommended I buy colored conditioner from Overtone.

It cost $29 and was backordered for a bit. When it arrived, it was easy to use, smelled like spearmint, and worked like a charm. The 8oz. container lasted for three applications and gave me the color I wanted for longer or until I had to dye it back for work. ;)

I truly enjoyed my summer of purple hair. I got lot of compliments and I had fun. I wish I could dye it another fun color. If I have to opportunity to dye it again, I'll definitely save some cash and use Overtone from the start.

Book: Everything Beautiful in Its Time by Jenna Bush Hager

Before Jenna Bush Hager's book, Everything Beautiful in Its Time: Seasons of Love and Loss, I'd never read anything that she wrote. As I've gotten back into reading books, I decided to start the year reading her book. I'm not quite sure what I expected from her writing, but I did think it'd be more political than it was.

I felt like through the book, I came to understand Jenna's personality, life, and family more. The book is about her relationships with her four grandparents and how each relationship was different. Some of the beauty of her relationships is that they wrote letters to each other which is a rare and beautiful gift. Her grandparents all died within about a year of each other and there were many things she mourned about losing each one.

She also shares about her close relationship with her sister and parents which is sweet. Her and her husband have built a cute, little family and it was fun to see her perspective of life. This book was definitely heart-warming and sweet. It was a really easy, fast read and I was actually a little sad to finish it and would definitely recommend this read to others.

Now, I'm looking forward to reading other books that Jenna Bush Hager has written.

My goal this year is to read one book per month. The next book I'm reading is Option B by Sheryl Sandburg and Adam Grant. So far, I LOVE it!

The Crown

With much more free time and boredom over the pandemic, my mom and I quickly got addicted to The Crown. My aunt recommended it, so we took the plunge. Seasons 1 and 2 made us really empathize with Queen Elizabeth and her alienating position. It's hard to believe everything she went through with her plandering husband and wild sister, Margaret. She was so young with so much responsibility.

Season 1

Season 2

These first two seasons also made me come to really respect Winston Churchill and to find him endearing in a way.

Season 3

We were not prepared for season 3. In it were all new actors to represent the now much-older royals. We didn't think the new actors even remotely resembled who they were supposed to. The new queen actually looked like an older version of Margaret. These types of changes need to be made much more thoughtfully.

Season 3 also featured a much less likeable queen. We see her as an uncaring mother. We see Margaret have an affair. We see Winston Churchill pass away. We see Charles meet and fall for Camilla. We see Anne as promiscious. Just a rough season overall.

In the fall, the new season 4 was aired on Netflixs, but I don't have an account, So, now we have to wait until season 4 comes out on DVD. I'm nervous for season 4 since season 3 was so rough. We'll see.

Season 4

Have you watched the Crown? Do you like it?

Dating Profile Tips

I have unfortunately been on dating sites for over 15 (yikes, I didn't realize it'd been that long!). I that time, I've posted my own profiles and read thousands of profiles. There are a couple keys ways to make your profile stand out and I'll share how here:

1. Post as many photos as the site will allow

Whether is works in my favor or not, I want potential matches to know what I really look like. I hate when people just post one picture or they look totally different in each of their pictures. Other pet peeves are when people post old photos. All photos should be from within a year. Also, I don't need to see your travel photos that you aren't in. Write about your love for travel and keep the photos for showing what you look like. There should be close-up and full length photos of you dressed up and casual. If you include a group photo, share where you are.

2. Avoid one-word and short answers while filling out profile

It's your dating profile, you want to stand out. I want people to have a feel for my personality, values, etc. from reading my responses. What you've written should make the reader want to know more or decide you're not the right match. Rejection of your profile isn't a bad thing, it helps weed out wrong matches.

3. Avoid silence/ghosting

I hate when I message someone and they look at my profile, then never respond. If you don't like me, delete me. It's okay, I know how this works. Don't leave me in limbo.

4. Short replies or lack of asking questions

I'm looking for a good conversationalist, so it annoys me when you start a conversation with only "hey," do one-word replies, or don't help carry the conversation by asking questions. That exhausts me and is a deal-breaker.

It's okay to talk to me, then decide you don't like me. Just wish me well and delete me. Don't just ghost me and delete; it's called closure.

Yes, I actually follow my own advice. Let me know if you have anything you'd add to this!

Book: Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

I really feel like this pandemic has really provided a slower pace to start assessing if we're living the life we want to live. In many ways, it's been helpful for me to really reassess my life.

What I've kept in my life or added(in no particular order):

-time to work out

-healthy meals

-tracking calories via Noom

-working on my spanish via the app Duolingo

-time to read my Bible (In a journal, I'm summarizing what each passage/chapter is saying and write what the application for my life is) and pray using a prayer journal

-creative hobbies (blogging and diamond painting currently)

-writing down three things I'm thankful for each day

at least eight hours sleep

communicating with friends and family

I've also been reading the book, Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist.

The heart of what she's saying is essentially the quote below:

Shauna encourages readers to focus on what's important and to say no to those things that shift your time and focus away from your priorities. It seems so easy to do, but it isn't. I would definitely recommend the book, Present Over Perfect. It helps you realize what's most important to you and to not feel guilty for prioritizing your life. So many of us run at breakneck speed to get "everything" done and it becomes a vicious cycle that never ends. Thankfully, we can end that unhealthy routine. While I'm not enjoying the pandemic, I am enjoying the slower pace and I hope you are too.

The author also encourages readers to say yes to things you're scared to do, but that align with what's important to you. Don't be too scared to live and step out of your comfort zone.

Another key thing Shauna covered was getting rid of things you don't use. She used the example that she prefers wearing blue, white, gray, white, and black. She never wore any other colors in her wardrobe, so she got rid of things she just wasn't wearing. She also pared down her kitchen by focusing on keeping white and silver colored dishes and tools. I think that what she said makes sense. Many of us buy things we think we should wear or use, but then we don't. Once you get rid of those things, you have more room for what use you and you feel more free. Over the quarantine, while at my parent's house, I'm getting rid of childhood/unused craft supplies. Who knew such old things could bump up my bank account?! I've also gone through my shoes and clothes. I'm hoping to move to a house within the next year, so getting rid of things I don't use is going to make it easier. Also, why keep things I'll never use at my parent's house? Why not go through them now when I have the time? Use your time wisely now.

The Philbrook Museum in Tulsa, Oklahoma

From January to May of this year, I was in Tulsa pretty much every week. While there, my and the fam would try to see the sights in between appointments. On my list of things to see was always the Philbrook Museum, since I like art. We finally got to visit the museum in October.

Inside, they have a generic gift shop. In the museum, they have hundreds of paintings. The museum structure itself is beautiful on the inside, as well. You could spend hours looking at all the art. Since they don't allow pictures inside, all my photos are from outdoors. The balcony overlooks a pretty garden.

In addition to the art, I LOVED the gardens and outdoor landscaping. They also have some trails, so you can get in a decent walk. Walking around the gardens is not conducive to a stoller, wheelchair, or walker. I follow their social media accounts and got to see the gardens covered in Christmas lights; it's beautiful.

If you ever get the chance, check out the Philbrook Museum in Tulsa. Here are several of my favorite photos of the grounds:

My Favorite Christmas Movie: White Christmas

We've all watched every Christmas movie there is. Some love the new movies and some love the classics. I happen to really like, White Christmas. While it's pretty old, I love the story, the music, and the dancing.

It centers around two old army buddies who are now successful entertainers, Bob and Phil. An old army buddy asks them to go see his sister's performance, Betty and Judy. Betty catches Bob's eye and Judy catches Phil's eye. The girl's performance is pretty good. Unfortunately, a crazy landlord is searching for them, so Bob and Phil create a diversion and Phil gives the girls their train sleeper car tickets.

A grumpy Bob doesn't know his tickets were given away. Phil tries to talk Bob into going to Vermont where the girls are going for a show, without telling him that's why. The girls come out to thank them for the tickets and next thing you know, they're all headed to Vermont.

While at the inn in Vermont where the girls were doing a show, they found out that business wasn't going well at the Inn and their shows got cancelled. To the guy's shock, they learn that the failing inn is owned by their former Major General. The guys plan an elaborate scheme to get their former army comrades to come to the inn and for there to be a Christmas show there. The girls are on board. They plan it as a secret for the Major General.

The inn is soon bustling with life, they're doing prep for musical productions and elaborate Christmas decorations. Love starts blossoming between the two couples, but complicated things too. Judy becomes convinced that Betty won't pursue a relationship with Bob due to her not wanting to leave Judy behind. So, Judy and Phil concoct a fake engagement story to help push Betty into Bob's arms. Well, that backfires and Betty leaves to do shows on her own. Bob explains what happened and gets her back in time for the show.

The show is a massive success, the inn is saved, the Major General is surpised, and the two couple end up together. The music and costumes are the best in this movie.

What's your favorite Christmas movie?